Making the first call can be a little uncomfortable. You’re not sure what to say or who to talk to. It can even be a little embarrassing.

How To Make The First Call

When you call for the first time, all you need to do is tell the counselor your name and that you think you’d like to talk with a counselor. That’s it.

If you’re calling a counseling agency that has multiple counselors, the person might ask what you are seeking counseling for. They need this information so they can get you connected with the right type of counselor. It’s usually a good idea to give them a broad topic but you don’t have to go into any details during the first call.

If you have questions, feel free to ask some of them. If you have a lot of questions, the counselor might need to give you a call back when they have more time to talk. If they are unwilling to answer any of your questions on the phone, then feel free to move on and try a different counselor.

The Good News

• You don’t have to commit to anything
• No one will pressure you
• You can ask as many questions as you like
• If you don’t like the “feel” of the counselor, you don’t have to schedule an appointment
• If you get a good first impression then move on to Step Three: Making One Appointment

That’s it. Just one.

The whole purpose of the first session is to meet the counselor, see if you like them, and see if this is someone that you could eventually feel safe with. If the first session feels okay, then you can decide about another appointment later on. If it doesn’t feel right, then don’t schedule another appointment, and try another counselor. If it takes a couple of tries, that’s okay. Sometimes it takes a little time and energy to find the right person. Again, that’s part of the process.

What To Look For In A Counselor

• Competence—Does it seem like they know what they’re talking about?
• Compassion—Does it seem like they genuinely care?
• Professionalism—Is there structure and order to their practice?

Trust Your Gut

If the person doesn’t feel safe, then move on, even if you can’t explain why. You don’t have to explain. Just move on.

The Counselor’s Feelings

You don’t have to worry about hurting the counselor’s feelings if you don’t come back. It’s a normal part of the counseling process and they’re prepared for it. (If your counselor’s feelings were hurt, then you probably don’t want to do work with them in the first place.) The main goal is finding a place that is comfortable for you.

After four sessions you should have a much better idea if you like the counselor and their style. By then, you should be able to know if they can offer you a road map to get you where you want to be.

If, after four sessions, it still doesn’t feel like a good fit, then…

1. Option 1—Just tell them it’s not working out and that this is going to be the last session.
2. Option 2—Tell the counselor that you would like to call them before scheduling the next appointment—And then don’t call them.

Either way, make sure that you resume the search for a good counselor so that you can get the help you need.

How do I find the right counselor for me?

Counseling is as much an art as it is a science. Each counselor has a personal style that may or may not fit with your personal style. Things to ask yourself when meeting with a counselor:

• Do I like this counselor?
• Do I feel safe with this person?
• Does it feel like this counselor cares about me and my progress?
• Am I able to discuss these issues with this counselor without them taking it personally?
• Is this counselor knowledgeable in the issues I’m dealing with?

How long does counseling usually last?

At the beginning of our therapeutic relationship I’ll try to give you an idea of how long you can expect to be in counseling. Although there is no absolute answer here are some things that can determine your length of therapy:

• The specific issues of your story
• The level of support you currently have outside of counseling
• How much emotional energy you’re able to devote to the process outside of the counseling sessions.

Is counseling going to be hard?

I tell my clients that we grow best when we are safe but uncomfortable. Many of the things we talk about are related to difficult experiences and feelings. If you are finding it difficult to talk about the painful things there are many tools and resources available to make it easier to discuss these issues. Keep in mind, you will never be forced or tricked into talking about or doing things you don’t want to do.

Isn’t a counselor just going to tell me to blame my parents and that nothing is my fault?

No credible therapist would suggest that parents are solely to blame for any one particular issue. We are complex beings that are influenced by our own temperaments, family dynamics, environmental factors, personal choices, and the choices of others. While I believe in understanding as many of these issues as possible, I never desire to see families destroyed.

How do I know I can trust you?

Trust comes from time and shared experience together. To ensure the safety of my clients (and myself) I have a thorough set of policies and procedures I follow. Very early in the therapeutic relationship (usually around the 3rd or 4th session) we go over those policies together and agree to an established set of shared expectations.

Still have a question you’d like answered?

Feel free to email me with any questions you may have.